2017 Horoscopes

Karly McQuay

Aries – I am sure you are angry, Aries, about that . . . thing . . . that happened recently. Find the roots of your anger and make a justified plan; the cosmos will assist in your endeavors should they be for a just cause.

Taurus – Things might get a little crazy this month, so hold on tight. Just remember to find time to take a breath every now and then.

Gemini – Oh, Gemini. I am uncertain what you have done to anger the malevolent stars that rule our sky but you are in some real trouble! Not to worry, though, just be sure to keep a low profile for a while and straighten out your interpersonal issues and you should be fine. (Maybe consider some community service, just to be safe.)

Cancer – The future is uncertain and the stars are vague; anything could happen! Your life isnot dictated by fate and you will have to fight for your own luck this month.

Leo – Brave, brave Leo. With all that you have gone through this last year, you’ve grown as a person. The stars do not want to get your hopes up or anything, but it certainly seems like you have got a big break coming your way. Maintain a good mindset and you will be surprised at what happens.

Virgo – You should probably apologize for that thing you did, Virgo. Karma and a new year and all that? You should definitely try to smooth over the conflicts in your life. You don’t think you did anything wrong? Well, that is not what the stars are saying . . . .

Libra – Balancing the various aspects of your life is going to get more difficult as you are faced with new challenges, Libra. Just remember that like our own fragile lives and those of our ancestors before us, these problems too shall pass. Also, the stars suggest – if the stress gets to be too much – wandering to a desolate location where there is no one else around for miles and screaming at the top of your lungs. That should alleviate some of the stress!

 Scorpio – Try a little harder, Scorpio. Thestars do not think you are reaching your full potential and they suggest you learn to apply yourself a little more. It will benefit you, in the end.

 Ophiuchus – Sorry, Ophiuchus: you do not exist. I’m sure you think you’re the “new” and “special” zodiac sign but – you are not. I repeat: you do not exist.

 Sagittarius – The planets are aligning inyour favor and good health will likely come with it. Endure as you have been, and the stars will honor your strength.

 Capricorn – As your star sign reaches its peak placement in our night sky expect a great deal of influence to come your way. You’ll find yourself in great positions of power and affluence this month, Capricorn; remember to use your celestial given powers for good and not evil.

 Aquarius – Good things are coming your way, Aquarius! Luck and good fortune will find you – whether you want it to or not. The stars will not let you escape your predestined greatness no matter how far and fast you may run.

Pisces – You know the looming threat of an unforeseeable and terrifying future that’s been bothering you lately? Yes? Well, the stars are telling you to chill out a little bit. It will be fine. (Probably.)