Cartoon by Ryan Gelsleichter

Bad Blood – Taylor Swift & Kendrick Lamar

  KYLE: You better think twice before messing with Taylor Swift, because if you get bad blood with her, she’ll write a song about you. Bad Blood by Taylor Swift featuring Kendrick Lamar (my favorite part of the song) has a catchy beat and some mean but somehow love related lyrics. Taylor is making someone think twice about what they did to her. “Take a look at what you’ve done, cause baby now we got bad blood.” Someone made Taylor mad, and she doesn’t believe the problems can be solved. I think it’s cool what Taylor has done with this song. She is often known for writing songs in the country genre, but this is definitely considered pop, especially with Kendrick Lamar. With the rap part in the song, I feel that it appeals to more people. It’s a song for everybody.

 TEMPERATURE RATING: HOT  

  CHRIS: Initially featured on Taylor Swift’s “1989” album, Bad Blood was originally released to an overwhelmingly tepid reception, taking a backseat to the earth-shattering nuclear explosion that was Shake it Off. Displeased with a wimpy 4.3 million album sales, Ms. Swift went on to further hammer this song down our throats at the Billboard Music Awards, but this time it had evolved into something more sinister than we ever could have expected… rap. The original song they’re working off of wasn’t anything special in the first place, but I suppose this song is like a bowl of grape nuts: it’s not very good at first, but it somehow gets worse with every extra bite. No matter how surreal it is to hear a Taylor Swift song with Kendrick Lamar in it, hearing him tell me to “take time into ratio” and “ID my facts” makes me feel like I’m attending a journalism lecture more than anything else. The beat is about as consistent as a milkshake filled with pinecones, awkwardly shifting from the original melody to a jarring on-and-off rap beat. The lyrics are the usual garbage, but now we have rap mixed in with it, to create the new Bad Blood, a musical combination that blends together with Taylor Swift’s musical stylings about as well as birthday cake and owl droppings.

 TEMPERATURE RATING: REHEATED INSTANT COFFEE

Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) – Silento

  KYLE: Watch me whip, watch me nae nae. This catchy song by Silento was a hit to remember. I worked at a camp over the summer, and at the beginning of everyday they would play some music. There would be a good number of kids dancing on the stage, but when this song came on, everyone got up and started dancing. It’s just catchy. I honestly don’t know why it’s catchy, but it is. I mean the lyrics are about dance moves, but when it comes on I get up and get my groove on. Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) is a newer song, one of the various new songs of the summer. I think the best part about this song is everybody can do it. It doesn’t matter if you can dance or not, the whip is the simplest dance move ever, and the nae nae pretty much just looks like you’re waving goodbye to someone while stumbling over a bucket. All in all, this song is catchy, fun, and just plain awesome.

 TEMPERATURE RATING: HOTTER 

  CHRIS: This song is a musical lobotomy. With every continuing second I’m forced to hear it, I can feel the gray matter oozing out of my skull. This miserable heap of music was created by an obscure and diabolical group called Silento, which is something I wish this song would be. The “melody,” if you can even call it that, was most likely outsourced to a three year old with a hammer and a fisher-price baby piano. The lyrics? If you’ve heard any, let me know because all I can hear is demented babbling about “whips” and “nae naes.” Apparently the shining star of the show is its corresponding dance, which involves punching forward as hard as you can, (the “whip”), and then the “nae nae,” which is waving hello whilst stumbling backwards as if you’ve just accidentally entered the wrong restroom. This dance led to me witnessing at least 3 children getting punched in the head over the summer as a result of someone recklessly “whipping” from behind, bringing many a birthday party to a hilariously grinding halt. Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) is a painful mistake of a song that deserves at least 20 years in prison for its crimes against humanity.

 TEMPERATURE RATING: FREEZER-BURNT HOT POCKET

Shut Up and Dance – Walk the Moon

KYLE: “Don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me, I said you’re holding back, she said shut up and dance with me.” A hit song by Walk the Moon, “Shut Up And Dance” took the world by storm. The song was at number one on Hits 1 radio for several weeks in a row. It has a fun beat to it, making it a joy to listen to. I also feel like the lyrics have a cool sense to them. They are talking about two people, who most likely are at a club dancing, falling for each other. “Oh we were born to get together, born to get together.” This is definitely a song where if I’m having a bad day or the day just hasn’t gone as planned, I can turn this song on and immediately become happy. This song is by far one of my favorite hits of the summer.

 TEMPERATURE RATING: HOTTEST

  CHRIS: This song is like the Bubonic Plague: destructive, widespread, and super catchy. I guarantee that all of you reading this were subjected to this musical punch in the face at least ten times this summer. The lyrics tell the tale of a gentleman out “clubbin’” when he encounters a fine young lady on the dance floor. He goes on to describe her attire as nothing but “a backless dress and some beat-up sneaks,” which seems like a poor choice for dancing. If you’re going out to get your boogie on, wear some nicer shoes! You don’t want your fellow groovemeisters taking you for some cheapskate, do you? The melody itself is pretty catchy, and I’ll admit this song was bearable for the first few weeks of play. However, I was seriously considering committing arson upon the local radio station sometime around the 17,768th play. This song is a victim of its own success; the more it’s popularity grew, the more I loathed it. It doesn’t help that the lyrics seem almost like the poor guy is being abducted, with the girl in question grabbing him by the arm and dragging him away whilst dropping romantic lines like “don’t you dare look back,” “keep your eyes on me,” and “shut up and dance.” These sound like things you’d hear on the way to a Mexican prison, not from “your destiny.”

 TEMPERATURE RATING: MEXICAN PRISON CELL